Delusion and Truth...

Recently, I was in conversation with a young person, the son of a friend of a friend of a friend, who announced they had decided what their future job would be; veterinarian. This individual is on the cusp of adulthood, so the question of what career they would soon attempt to secure had a more immediate pressing – they were not, for instance, in carefree toddler-hood announcing this big dream. I smiled and enquired as to their reasons why – did they have a particular love of biology and medical science for instance? Their answer? No, they did not. Ah, perhaps they were just particularly good at these school subjects, so whilst not being passionate about it, the skills came so easily to them it felt foolish for them to turn away from such a career? Their answer? No, their predicted grades in useful, relevant subjects were not particularly top-notch.

At this point, I was stumped. I am a believer in never knocking other people’s dreams, so I did not point out the potential flaw in achieving their desire. Equally, I did not feel able to cheerlead their ambition in the manner of the “X-Factor” generation of “you just have to believe hard enough.” I bailed with a weak “oh well, good luck” kind of comment, privately wondering about their mental health. Was he serious? If so, how did he think he could make such a dream come true? Was he innocently unaware of the scale of the task he was setting himself, or dangerously deluded? I moved our conversation into safer – saner – waters.

I couldn’t get his decision out of my mind though – it got me thinking about the goals and dreams we set ourselves in life, and what the reasons for our choices might be.

Read anything about manifestation and the laws of abundance, and you will arrive at a point whereby one is instructed to let go of specifics relating to our hopes. The wisest masters on these subjects speak of how important this act of release is. One cannot force a particular outcome, a particular solution out of thin air. We must place our intentions with all the love and gratitude we can muster, into cosmic safe keeping. Then we must trust that all will be well and what is intended for us, will not pass us by.

This said, we must also continue to turn up to our desire on a regular basis, and frequently toil hard at the practical elements (developing pertinent skills and knowledge, for instance). Being present, keeping our attention focused, giving of our best in the moment we have, here and now – this is both sensible and meaningful to us achieving our goals.

But there’s a more fundamental step to this manifestation “law” which I believe many either forget about or rush past, in their haste to make their dreams apparent, and my conversation with that young-adult reminded me of it. First, before anything else, we must pause to check we are telling the truth. We must be honest about who we are, what we feel, and yes, honest too about why we feel this way – why this goal/dream/purpose is the one we wish to make real.

This is, in my opinion, the first step – and the hardest. It is so easy to fool ourselves on this issue of truth. We can get so used to our reasons for pursuing a particular dream that we forget, or deliberately obscure, its origins. Our fixation upon a particular ‘thing’ may be so strong that it excludes all other possibilities and doubt. Our delusion may solidify, like a ‘skin’, hiding the reality of our desire’s beginning.

Often a stated life purpose/ambition/goal is first conceived as a way of moving far away from a primal pain or a loss of a piece of ourselves; a soul loss. Initially, in infancy, it is as simple as that, but as we get older, and begin to have to justify our life-choices to others, we construct a narrative around the desire we hold. We place this into terms that are complimentary to ourselves (for who would want to make themselves look bad deliberately?). We then repeat these justifications over and over until they grow from a single layer of ‘skin’ to become more redolent of solid walls, or blinkers. We grow into our desired purpose, but it remains connected to our deepest truths, even if we have long since failed to recognise this. As such, we are vulnerable to the whispers of Ahriman, the trickster, who may lead us astray with affirmations of how ‘right’ we are, how ‘talented’ and how we just need to keep at it, work harder, spend more money, strive again.

The workaholic friend you have – you know the one; always busy doing something important – they could be running from a deep-rooted loneliness and a fear of risking their vulnerable heart to anything other than the loving sense of achievement and the safety of only dealing with things they know they can control.

The hypochondriac friend you have – you know the one; always convinced that their headache is a brain tumour, that the sniffle they have is bubonic plague- maybe they’re running from the persistent pain of neglect and what they really want to say is ‘love me, look after me’.

That author friend of yours – you know the one; always writing stories about the big questions in life and what divine spirit might feel like, how it might be known more closely – they’re probably running away from their bewilderment at being separate and what they seek most is an acknowledgement that they belong somewhere, that somebody else ‘gets them’.

To sum up the infinitely complex beauty of a person in a single paragraph is not possible. My tongue-in-cheek brevity is hopefully useful to the point I wish to illustrate, which is that a willingness to stare into the dark shadows of our painful beginnings, to reconstruct the pathways our lives have taken us on and why we hold dear certain hopes and desires, is a rare thing.

I have a theory; being aware of, and honest about our base humanity— a self-awareness that encompasses and acknowledges our shadows as well as our lights —is one of the best gifts one can give oneself.

For the dark depth of your soul is the womb of divine creation. By tackling fears, through the application of our attention, talents and insights, by turning up and being present to them, we are more likely to ensure the purpose we pursue is the one that will result in the highest version of ourselves. Once secure in the correctness of this pursuit we can rest easy that whatever outcomes occur are wholly meant for us.

As Gabor Mate, Canadian/Hungarian physician, in his book, ‘The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction’ says; “What we call the personality is often a jumble of traits and adopted coping styles that do not reflect our true self at all, but the loss of it.”

And, let us not forget the inscription on the temple of Apollo at Delphi, Greece; “Know they self, and thou shall know the mysteries of the gods, and of life.”

Delusion is a sneaky, persistent companion and the truth of ourselves is hard to be sure about, but it is worth seeking. Arguably, it is the only worthwhile goal in life.

Rachel x

P.S. The Hope of Us, Beyond Veils, Book 3: May I I ask, if you've grabbed yourself a copy, to let me know what you think of Mona and her answer to the question; can love overcome a legacy of abuse? Or even better - let lots of other potential readers know by writing up a quick review on Amazon. It is one of the most useful things you can do to help my writing career. Thank you. If you haven't yet got a copy, then fear not, click here to be taken to the Amazon page.

P.P.S. Audiobook lover? The second Book in the Beyond Veils Series - The Truth of Her, Beyond Veils, Book Two - is now available as an Audiobook! You can download it from Amazon, Audible or the Apple Store. It's about 11 hours of fantastic narration by the wonderful actress, Amy Foley of a story that asks 'how do you remain a good person when bad things keep happening to you?' Get it now, here.

P.P.P.S I have a podcast too! Published on Apple Podcast - it is called "Letters from an Author" and features me, reading aloud these letters that I send to you, my subscribers, my friends. You can download and listen to the episodes - about 10 minutes or less per episode, because I know how busy we all are - here. I had great fun recording them, I hope you enjoy listening.

P.P.P.P.S Also worthy of mention is that the full series collection has just been published as a single eBook - and at a significant discount of 44% on the total purchase price. Get 'The Beyond Veils Series Collection' for just £9.99 here.