Ever met your anger?

If you could meet your anger what do you imagine it would look like?

Is that a really bold and courageous question to ask of you? Are you somewhat taken aback by the idea of, firstly, being able to meet one’s own anger, and secondly, that it would look like something at all! Perhaps you are more concerned with the whole idea of meeting something as scary as your own anger! I mean, it is not what we’re brought up to be comfortable with, is it?

I have had the opportunity to meet with my own anger - and it was a liberating experience.

It was during a meditative journey, and I can report that my anger is as silent as the grave, clothed from head to toe in sweeping black cloth - but for her eyes which are obsidian dark, large and all-seeing. My anger moves with a swift grace and a threat of immolation. Nice huh?

Why did I seek to meet my anger in the first place?

Because I am more and more curious about the idea of angry women in denial of it.

I am curious to explore how female anger is seen by society, why it seems to be treated as far more troublesome than male anger might be. For example, throughout my corporate management career, I witnessed many of the men I worked with get angry, outraged, incensed. They shouted, more often swore and occasionally thumped the furniture in an assertive physical manifestation of their emotion. Not once were these men ever criticised for this behaviour, in my experience at least. These men were thought of as strong leaders.

Now we come to me and the women I worked with, who when we had reason to behave in a similarly ‘impassioned’ manner – a raised voice and some strongly worded assertions – came to be criticised as “over emotional” or “hysterical”. For those of us old enough to remember; it is the “calm down dear” car insurance advert scenario of years ago.

I don’t mean to play the gender card too heavily – sweeping stereotypical generalisations aside though, the issue of female anger is really interesting to me.

I think of all those times when I have denied my anger, turned away from her, tried to be “nice”, tried to “manage” situations. I have avoided raising my voice – scared of the unattractive accusation of ‘fishwife’ perhaps. Afraid to show the extent of my power even?

But anger is an energy – just like all our emotions – and energy doesn’t just disappear. What is the energetic result if I continue to renounce my anger? What does she do to me?

Well, when I set my intention to meet my anger in that mediation, I can report that she approached me in grace, and sat beside me with an air of generosity towards me – I recognised it as a willingness to work with me. She remained utterly silent though – her only communication was via her dark eyes. When they met with mine, I sensed her danger, her ability to strike with great ferocity and pain. In that moment, I knew that by ignoring this side of myself I was making myself lesser. I was ignoring her wisdom, her perspective. By keeping her silent I was turning her fire into a deeper conflagration – one that would burst forth suddenly, at the tiniest apparent trigger, and be so much more devastating because of it.

I made a promise to listen to my anger when she rises - to hear the warning she gives me that something is not right. I now act upon this. I have created healthier behavioural and emotional boundaries – ones that satisfy her/my desire to protect me.

And I wrote a story of a young-woman’s struggle with grief, overbearing duty and hurt and how when she is attacked, her anger manifests to devastating effect and gets her into deeper karmic waters. That story is Lyra’s, her anger is a powerful Wood-Witch and the book is called The Truth of Her.

Anger is part of our truth, don’t you think?

Rachel x

P.S. I have been the opposite of angry about how well received my first Audiobook  - a recording of my first book, ‘The Point of Me, Beyond Veils, Book One’  - has been.  Amy Foley who narrated it and I have been thrilled with the reviews that are in so far. If you'd like to find out for youself how "utterly captivating" and what a "spiritual, uplifting" a story it is (I'm quoting from the reviews by the way!) you can get it at on Amazon, Audible and iTunes.

Buy it now on Audible. (This is an Audible affiliate link, meaning that if you click on it and then go on to buy the audiobook, I will get a few more pennies to add to my sales royalties. The price to you remains the same though).

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