On all matters doubtful...

Even Stephen King doubted himself. Apparently.

To know that even the “greatest” in their field suffer moments of deep anxiety and doubt, moments of “ is this it? ” and “ am I really only here to work like a dog and never be recognised ” was put forward as a reassurance, to stick with it (whatever it is) and persevere. To have any chance of 'winning', you have to at least be 'in it', be present, turn up daily, improve the craft.

I know the logic of all of the above, and yet, and yet… I doubt myself all of the time.

I bet you doubt yourself and your abilities too.

Some of the most surprising people do doubt their abilities, they appear to have no sense of seeing, or valuing, the very thing that others celebrate about them. People of prodigious talent and apparent confidence, even those who have been paid handsomely for the very thing that they are doubtful of.

Why would this be?

What purpose does doubting oneself actually serve?

The Magus of Strovolos (as you may know, a great story of a brilliant healer in history, albeit an anonymous one) talks about how it is possible for us to create “elementals” by our conscious or sub-conscious thoughts. These elementals have a life of their own. They exist in an energetic form, independent of their projecting creator. Doubt is a thought that can produce such an elemental.

The Magus of Strovolos states that once created, these elementals always return to their source, to feed upon that person’s etheric energy. The fact that the elemental always returns to its creator is part of karmic law. If the person does not recognise this process and work to move their thoughts to ‘higher-self’ vibrations, then the elemental can grow in size and increase its influence over that person. In this manner, thoughts can become more ingrained in our minds. They can influence our beliefs, our actions and then our reality.

Our personalities therefore, and the circumstances that we live within are the sum total of the elementals we ourselves have constructed.

If you have, by your thoughts and behaviour, created a large “doubt” elemental – then what to do about it? The answer is given by the Magus; to acknowledge what purpose the elemental is attempting to fulfil.

Doubt, therefore, does have a purpose. In which case, invite it to speak up when you feel its presence. Ask it what it is trying to warn you of. Listen to its words and thank it for its perspective. Consider the value of its opinion to your heart and soul and, having reached a comfortable decision – one that feels good within your body as well as mind – act upon that.

When it comes to my own doubt elemental, I find myself variously able to dismiss it quickly or wallowing for days within a vat of it! In general though, I am able to acknowledge the “truth” that it attempts to give me and counter it with another truth – how much I love to tell stories to you, how pleasing it is to hear you say “I really got that” and “I can really feel the humanity of it” – that we both feel the same thing, me in writing it, you in reading it, fills me with joy. This is how I can balance out the doubt and know that, even though it might come to nothing more than your readership alone, that your singular attention is totally worth it.

Even Stephen King doubted his writing, and look where that got him.

(and if you’ve read to this point, you’ve just helped dissolve another of my doubt-elementals. Sincere thanks!).

Rachel x

P.S. I had some exciting news this week – my first book, ‘The Point of Me, Beyond Veils, Book One’ is now available as an audiobook on Amazon, Audible and iTunes.

It has been a really interesting – and challenging – experience of getting it narrated and produced. Something that I doubted (yes, there I go again!) I would ever be able to achieve – but with the assistance of Amy Foley, a hugely talented actress and producer, it is finally here. Buy it now on Audible. (This is an Audible affiliate link, meaning that if you click on it and then go on to buy the audiobook, I will get a few more pennies to add to my sales royalties. The price to you remains the same though).

I'd be very grateful if you could help share this news - here's a link to a prepared Facebook post and a Twitter Tweet.

P.P.S. Other links in this blog: I have signed up to be an Amazon Affiliate – as with Audible’s scheme above, it is a good way for me to boost any sales royalties that I receive. The product links in this email are affiliate links – if you click on them and purchase products, I will receive an extra payment from Amazon, but the price of the product to you will remain the same.